I Am From
Luca Teopaco
I’m from isolation and identity,
From the loneliness of being misunderstood.
I’m from Lightning Mcqueen backpacks that struck criticism from girls my age.
The laughter and whispers that surrounded me when I was too young to comprehend their cruelty.
I’m from poor eyesight that never got treated until I was 8 years old.
From being unable to see from far distances and writing slowly
And from the impatience of my private Catholic school teacher who hurt me with her words and hands.
I’m from my deceased grandmother whom I’ve never met but looks after me in the form of butterflies.
I’m from being an only child,
From the feeling of uselessness of not having someone to look after or being looked after
And the feeling of envy of not having a “built in” best friend.
I’m from emotionality,
Cursed with feeling too intensely and loving too hard.
From heartbreaks and hopelessness
To healing and hopefulness.
I’m from being a boy born in a girl’s body,
Being unable to understand why I never felt like myself until I was old enough to start being true to myself.
From my family’s support and my grandfather’s unhesitant efforts to start calling me his grandson.
Though their unintentional disrespect hurts sometimes, I just have to remind myself that they don’t know any better.
I’m from the carelessness of my father and the carefulness of my mother
That explains the recklessness of my actions but the fragility of my emotions.
From feelings of prolonged sadness, continued worry, and constant flow of tears
Later diagnosed as depression and severe anxiety, something I might have gotten from my aunt.
Intensifying my fear of abandonment and losing myself.
I’m from always offering to listen so no one ever has to feel unheard as I once did.
From “You’re a good listener, you know that?”
From jumping to solve someone else’s problems because I’ve always had a hard time sympathizing with myself.
I’m from found family
From being the only junior in a group of seniors
And finding somewhere I finally belonged.
I’m from music
To listen to, to sing, to hum to, to create.
From choral music, keeping my soft palette raised to losing my breath when belting in musical theatre.
I have my older cousin to thank, who started singing with me before I could even count.
I’m from picking up a camera my freshman year and never being able to put it down, creating a passion for cinematography and photography.
From being the one person who always wants to capture so he can remember.
I’m from handwritten letters
From having the thoughts of a person written out for only you to see and keep.
I’m from seeking tranquility at the beach,
Always with the two girls that grew to be my nonbiological sisters.
From watching a meteor shower at midnight while the waves audibly crash onto the shore.
From seeing shooting star after shooting star, making wishes along the lines of having more moments like this.
Did you know that seeing a shooting star at the same time as someone you love means a “celestial blessing?”
A connection destined to endure.
I’m from love
From never regretting to love someone, for free falling into it.
From choosing to love in a world that seems to lack it.
To love and be loved,
To let love persevere and to let love consume,
To love a girl and hear her glorious laughter after I’ve said something ridiculous.
If I am from anything, let it be known,
That I am from love.